>Long before there was an Elf on the Shelf
>
Once upon a time there was a lady by the name of Patsy with very discerning taste. She proudly eschewed the ‘tacky’ and embraced the classy. Once in a while however, particularly when it came to Christmas, her cheese-o-meter would fail her.
One year Patsy accepted delivery of a lovely Christmas arrangement from her sister-in-law. Replete with red bows and evergreens, it was a fitting nod to the season. Not surprisingly given the source, tucked into the centerpiece and wired to a green stick, was this charming fellow:
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| In his later years |
Well, Patsy was thrilled. Promptly placing the festive basket of greenery on the foyer table, it immediately took a place of pride in her home. Not only was the arrangement a lovely addition to that year’s decor, but every visitor was welcomed by this cheery fellow perched among the sprigs.
When her youngest daughter returned from college that year, she saw the arrangement immediately. Initially surprised that Patsy had included what amounted to a dopey plastic elf dressed in nasty acrylic in the household decor, she quickly forgot about the little guy as she glided through the holiday season, much as she closeted thoughts of final exams and essays.
Having received similar gifts for Christmases past from her sister-in-law, each January Patsy followed the same routine. She would wait a little too long, and then dispose of the dried out fire hazard centerpiece. Now, Patsy was also a thrifty woman, so before the big heave-ho, she would squirrel away her favorite little decorations (often wired to green florist sticks) for future use in her own wreaths and arrangements. She tucked myriad little bows, tinselly wreaths, and clumps of faux red berries into a giant ziplock bag and stored them away until the following winter.
Each year, to the surprise of her youngest daughter, that elf would reappear. Sometimes on an overly decorated wreath over the mantle. Sometimes in an arrangement in the dining room. But without fail, each Christmas season the jolly imp–stick jammed up his ass and all–was featured somewhere in Patsy’s holiday decor. Each year, the elf got a bit grubbier and a little more threadbare. And without fail, when the holidays were over, he would be packed up with all of Patsy’s Christmas ornamenture, safe and sound until his reappearance the following December.
The years passed, and eventually Patsy died. Her loving children came together to attend to her personal belongings and divided up the holiday decorations. Pieces of Patsy’s holiday decor went with each child, except for the the two giant plastic bags filled with cheesy decorations Patsy rescued from the holiday floral arrangements that her sister-in-law had sent over the years. Those were put in the donate/trash pile.
Inside those bags, poked and prodded by the florists sticks, waited the bedraggled elf. The youngest daughter, managed to rescue the once-blonde little guy from his certain end at the landfill and brought him home with some of the more tolerable ornaments that Patsy had treasured over the years.
The first Christmas after Patsy died, the daughter came across the elf and tucked him into a kissing ball on her front porch. Each time she passed by she outwardly smiled to see him, but inwardly ached from missing her mother. When the holidays ended, she resisted the urge to keep every last decoration on the kissing ball, tucking away only the now, very seriously, peaked imp.
Today the elf is filthy, his hair almost gone. His legs are all bent up and he’s got random glitter stuck to his hat. But each Christmas, as he has for more than twenty years, the elf reappears.
He’s not spying on anyone looking for good behavior. He’s not leaving and returning to a new spot hoping to be found each day. I’m quite sure he doesn’t report anything to anyone. He’s just hanging out (this year with Patsy), as a tacky reminder of various, merry Christmases Past.
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| He’s not saying a word… |
>That time of year
>Yes, folks, it’s that time of year when we search high and low for those perfect gifts for our special someones.
Regular readers know of my appreciation for silly holiday fun…remember the time I gave Jesus a rhinoplasty? Of course this holiday season our nearest and dearest will again be enjoying some giggles courtesy of our dear, old friends at Archie McPhee. Well, they’re dear to us. I don’t think they actually know who we are. In any event, I placed our holiday order in the wee hours this morning and I can. not. wait. for the package to get here.
So to keep me occupied, I thought I’d introduce you to another website just perfect for good, old fashioned, geeky fun.
The fine folks over at American Science and Surplus offer an enourmous variety of goods with a focus on, you guessed it…science. Their prices are really good, too.
Often you can find random things for short money, but I’ve also noticed that some stuff they offer is available elsewhere. Never fear, though–in those instances their prices are competitive (and often better). At AS&S you can find surplus lab equipment, odd little toys and tchotchkes, cool kits and models, along with random household, office and school stuff.
Now that sounds perfectly dry and boring, doesn’t it?
Well, clearly you are unfamiliar with AS&S, or you still haven’t clicked through to the website and read any one of the product descriptions. These guys can find the humour in just about anything that comes across their desks. It’s a happy day in Podunk when the AS&S catalog shows up in the mail.
And it’s a Merry Christmas with AS&S under the tree. Last year, we broke open geodes, painted masks, assembled miniature skeletons. I won’t yet reveal what we’ve got cooking for this year. Let’s just say when I finished shopping at McPhee, I filled my virtual cart at AS&S.
Disclosure: I have no connection to American Science and Surplus. This post is strictly my opinion and no compensation was offered nor received. I’m just a geeky mom sharing science-y goodness.
Read More>The Censors Didn’t Approve
>Found this gem when I was cleaning the living room. It was tucked in a magazine basket.
It’s one of those “All About Me” posters Bubba made sometime last year. It came home on the last day of school and apparently got filed away amongst the outdated Martha Sterwart mags.
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| Full Poster |
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| Ain’t he handsome? |
His response to the portion of the poster that says, “I help others by:” shows how he feels about school–that its something he’s supposed to do for others. He wrote, “Doing my homework”.
But that was actually his second response to the prompt. The original, rubbed out with eraser, but still legible to my eye was, “Helping is just as wrong as a kid folding his mother’s underwear.”
Um, what? Sometimes, his inclination toward throwing out Calvin and Hobbs lines gets the better of him. Of course, I’m assuming its C & H, perhaps it’s the Far Side. What can I say? He likes Larsen as much as Waterson. But I suppose a first grade “All About Me” poster really can’t boldly say “Helping Others Sucks”.
Now, for the record, he doesn’t actually fold any laundry, let alone my skivvies. Also, he’s not completely against helping others, I honestly think it was his attempt at humor. I’ve got to focus on teaching him the finer points of “the right time and place.”
I’m assuming his teacher didn’t think it was so funny to hang that up in the classroom–it’s a tad sophisticated for the seven-year-old set. Not to mention, it doesn’t exactly espouse the attitude a teacher would wish to foster in her classroom.
So therefore you know, of course, I am never getting rid of this poster.
Read More>Fun with Photos
>I found this berry that looked like a face to me…see the big nose?
>And here I thought I had a good cover
>I received an email from the FBI on Thursday. It seems they’ve found me:
Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
Counter-terrorism Division and Cyber Crime Division
J. Edgar. Hoover Building Washington DCDear Beneficiary,
Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $850,000.00 due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund. [...]
Upon receipt of payment the delivery officer will ensure that your package is sent within 48 working hours. Because we are so sure of everything we are giving you a 100% money back guarantee if you do not receive payment/package within the next 48hours after you have made the payment for shipping.
Yours sincerely,
NICHOLAS STORY
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535
TELEPHONE: (206) 309-0312
FAX: (202) 666-5283
Note: Do disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your ATM CARD, you are hereby advice only to be in contact with Andrew Lamar of the ATM CARD CENTRE who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your ATM CARD PAYMENT and forward any emails you get from impostors to this office so we could act upon and commence investigation.
I love the specific, “to the tune of $850k,” and I really appreciate the fact that good old Nicholas is giving me a money-back GUARANTEE that I’ll get my funds, though I’m a little confused by that statement to be honest.
Does that mean I have to give it back? I haven’t paid anything…oh wait, it appears I need to pay for the shipping of my check. So if I don’t get my check, I guess I’ll get my shipping funds back?
I’m further impressed that the FBI is now using European spellings of words like Centre. So very continental.
Oh, Nick. You had me at “Dear Beneficiary…”
Read MoreJust Being a Good Person
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